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============================================================================== Quotes and Scene Summary {bjr} ============================================================================== % The Simpsons race in their car down a country road, pursued by a % black helicopter with the Olympic Games logo. Officer: Give up, Mr. Simpson! We know you have the Olympic torch. Marge: For God's sakes Homer, give them back their flame. Homer: No! The Olympics have pre-empted my favorite shows for the las
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  ==============================================================================> Quotes and Scene Summary {bjr}==============================================================================% The Simpsons race in their car down a country road, pursued by a% black helicopter with the Olympic Games logo.Officer: Give up, Mr. Simpson! We know you have the Olympic torch.Marge: For God's sakes Homer, give them back their flame.Homer: No! The Olympics have pre-empted my favorite shows forthe last time.Bart: You can always find your favorite shows next month.Homer: *You* wait 'till next month! *You* wait 'till next month!Marge: [exasperated] Every four years ...-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Marge grabs the torch from Homer and tosses it to the helicopter.% The pilots are so entranced by the beauty of the flame that they% forget to control the helicopter and it smashes into a hillside.% Fortunately, the men aren't hurt, but the crash has extinguished the% Olympic flame.%% Meanwhile, Homer has grown bored, but not for long. He abruptly% stops the car when he sees a fair going on at the fancy Springfield% Prep School.Lisa:Springfield Prepatory School? Dad, you told me there wereno private schools in Springfield.Homer:But knowing about it would make you want to go here.-- Parental Psychology 101, The Bart Wants What It Wants % The school's snooty headmaster introduces himself to the Simpson% family. Homer makes the mistake of pointing to the beer tent, and% the headmaster promptly smacks him on the wrist. Monkeys point, % he says. Monkeys cry, Homer answers softly.%% Marge is impressed by the school grounds.Marge:This campus is so lush and verdant.Teacher:Yes, you probably recognize it from the film, Calling All Co-eds. Marge:[pointing, like a monkey] Oh, is that where Boozerdrank the pee?Teacher:It's *one* of the places.-- The hallowed grounds of Springfield Prep, The Bart Wants What It Wants % Homer has a fun time bouncing in the moonwalk house, until he% punctures it. He apologizes to a few disappointed children as he% leaves the deflated structure.%% Looking through a window, Lisa admires one of the classrooms.Lisa:Oh, this school has everything.Skinner:I know. Doesn't it just honk you off?Lisa:[gasps] Their periodic table has 250 elements!Skinner:And our school board's cut us back to 16 -- all ofthem lanthanides.Lisa:You know, we could get equipment like this through abond issue.Skinner:Hmph. Here's your bond issue. [throws a  cinderblock through the window, and then jumps intothe classroom. Seconds later, he emerges with a visible human doll and a cello] Quick, take these.Lisa:Principal Skinner, you're just stealing.Skinner:Welcome to Dick Cheney's America.-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Meanwhile, Marge helps herself to the buffet of frou-frou food.% Nearby, Brandine and Cletus see someone they recognize.Cletus:Look, Brandine, it's Wolfgang Puck. [to Puck] Mr.Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut-worm, I swear.Puck:Try my Rice Krispies squares. They are wasabi-infused with a portobello glaze. And, you can buythem at the airport.Marge:I make mine with M&Ms.Puck:With M&M's? Now, that's what I call fusion. Icould sell 'em on the internet! [kisses Marge] Tothe Puckmobile![the Batman theme plays as Puck jumps one the sideboard of a van][to his driver] Go, go, go! [and off they go]-- Same Puck time, same Puck channel, The Bart Wants What It Wants % Bart visits the bumper-car tent. The wealthy students are driving% around in a genteel fashion, deliberately missing each other. Bart% tries to shake things up by bumping someone with his bumper car.% The other child is shaken up, and a bumper-car ambulance comes by to% carry him away.%% Homer tries to play a prank on Flanders at the silent auction. He% secretly signs his neighbor's name to a $50 bid. The joke backfires% when the item turns out to be a $100 bill. Homer is further% chagrined when Flanders pledges the money to an orphanage.%% At a ring-toss game, Carl and Lenny win a pair of microscopes which% they use in their research. Evidently, they are researching the% best way to sword-fight using microscopes.%% Meanwhile, a trio of highborn bullies is playing keep-away with some% girl's backpack. Bart rises to her defense, using his slingshot to% fire Rice Krispies squares at the bullies. The boys beat a hasty% retreat ... to the Hamptons.Greta:You were so brave to take on all those bullies.Bart:Those weren't bullies. *That's* a bully.[the camera pans to Nelson and a butler. Nelson has theman flat on his back, and uses the butler's fist to punchhim]Nelson:Hey, butler, stop buttling yourself!Butler:Would that I could, sir.-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Ranier Wolfcastle approaches Bart and Greta.Ranier:Time to go, Greta. Your mother's custody starts at 1800hours.Bart:Your dad's McBain ?Ranier:[laughs] I play many characters: McBain, Officer  McVengeance, Sgt. Murder, and I was a voice on the Frasier. Greta:Would you like to come to my house sometime? If it's okaywith my Dad.Ranier:Come! We play Uno, I chase you with hose, no biggie.Bart:Wow, cool! Uh, I guess we're leaving, too. [looks overat the school's front gate. Lisa clings tightly to thebars as Homer and Marge try to pry her away]Lisa:No! I belong here! Please!Homer:Don't worry, honey. We can't afford this now, but whenit's time, I promise my darling daughter can go to thefinest school there is ... in South Carolina.Lisa:Oh! I will not be a Gamecock!Homer:You will too! [Lisa continues her struggle, until hergrip on the bars finally slips]Go Gamecocks!Lisa:No!-- At least it's not Brown, The Bart Wants What It Wants % [End of Act One. Time: 5:19]%% Bart gets ready for his visit to Greta's house. Homer helps him out% with a little friendly advice.Look, boy, here's my advice on women: Don't give them nicknames like Jumbo or Boxcar, and always get receipts. Makes you look like abusiness guy.-- Homer Simpson, The Bart Wants What It Wants % The quiet afternoon is disturbed by a loud rumbling sound. The% family runs to the front door just as Wolfcastle's enormous SUV% pulls up.Marge:That car's as big as all outdoors.Homer:Wow, what kind of mileage does it get?Ranier:One highway, zero city.Marge:[impressed] Ooooh.Ranier:Mmm-hm.-- Something to brag about, The Bart Wants What It Wants % Ranier chauffeurs Bart and Greta back to the Wolfcastle house.Ranier:Bart, your little tie makes me smile.Bart:Excuse me, but you don't sound as tough as you do in themovies.Ranier:[threatening] If you don't shut your big yap, I will ripoff your face and use it as a napkin.[pause, and then everyone laughs][serious again] Laughing time is over.-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Greta's room has a lot of cool stuff, including oversize movie% props.Greta:These are props from one of my Dad's movies, TheIncredible Shrinking McBain. Bart:Wow, the Q-Tip he used to kill Ross Perot! Oh, everythingin your house is so cool.Greta:What's your house like?Bart:Aw, it's okay. My bed is stuffed with hay.  Greta:[laughs] Sorry. You're so funny.Bart:[awkward laugh] Yeah ...-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Bart and Greta settle down to watch Itchy & Scratchy cartoons on% DVD. First, they watch Circus of the Scars. This episode finds% the cat and mouse at the circus, where they work as trapeze artists.% Itchy and Scratchy swing toward one another on separate trapezes.% Itchy draws a pair of knives and cut Scratchy's arms off at the% wrists. Scratchy falls *through* the net, under the trapezes, with% the ropes cutting his body into neat little cubes. A circus% elephant eats some of the cat cubes.Greta:Check out the audio commentary. [pushes a button onthe DVD remote. A picture-in-picture box appears onthe screen, showing Itchy and Scratchy.]Scratchy:We shot this at four in the morning, and the crewwas getting a little cranky.Itchy:You can never get enough takes for Steven SoderbergScratchy:Always wanting more rehearsal -- [Itchy attacks him,cutting off his head]-- No long-winded commentaries here, The Bart Wants What It Wants % Next, it's the Wolfcastles' turn to visit the Simpsons. Marge% prepares a variety of fine German sausage cuisine, including% bratwurst, sauerbraten, and donderblitzen. Lisa recoils at these% choices, and Ranier dismisses her as a whale-kissing, Dukakis-% hugging moon maiden. %% Greta shyly reaches for Bart's hand under the table.Bart:What are you doing? Oh, I gotcha. [pulls Greta's hand onthe table] One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.[Bart begins to thumb-wrestle Greta]Greta:One, two, three!Bart:Hey, that was a fast count.-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Ranier eyes the last slice of pie.[to pie] Remember when I said I would eat you last? I lied.-- Ranier Wolfcastle, The Bart Wants What It Wants % Some time later, the Wolfcastles' doorbell rings. Greta answers the% door.Greta:Hi, Bart!Milhouse:[jumps into the doorway] Whazzu-u-up!Greta:Oh. You brought someone.Bart:Yeah, this is Milhouse. He's my best friend because... well, geographical convenience, really.-- The Bart Wants What It Wants % Milhouse brought his bathing suit, and happily splashes around in% Greta's pool.%% Meanwhile, Homer bring *his* new friend to Moe's Tavern.Homer:Hello, gentlemen. Would you care to meet RanierWolfcastle?
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