Sistah's Place Septu002FOct 2019

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S i s t a h ' s P l a c e Oct / Nov201 9T ERI S AGRI F F I N Doi ngThi ngsHerWayExpos i ngSexual Har as s menti n t heFeder al Gover nmentWhyDoI Need aWi l l ?…
S i s t a h ' s P l a c e Oct / Nov201 9T ERI S AGRI F F I N Doi ngThi ngsHerWayExpos i ngSexual Har as s menti n t heFeder al Gover nmentWhyDoI Need aWi l l ? Hel p!I am I naT oxi c Rel at i ons hi pGreat Books for Kids!Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble Visit book series website at Fountain Library Bolingbrook, IL White Oak Library, Crest Hill, IL Deceitful Secrets Series: Truth & Lies coming soon Will the truth come out about Taylor’s past? Will the two brothers destroy their bond? Who is Taylor pregnant by?Sistah's Place 5F r o m O u r E d i t o r s Inside this edition, we salute the women brave enough to share their stories like author Natresha Dawson on Sexual Harassment in Government. It's more than the #MeToo Movement. Women are standing up against their abusers. Then meet Chicago's very own Terisa Griffin as she is Doing Things Her Way! She is talented singer, actress, and producers. A Woman with many gifts and talents. Get your expert advice in Mental Health with Dr. Evans and newly added expert Attorney Pillara Henderson-Smith on Building Wealth. She will have informative information on the necessities every family should have, Wills, Life Insurance, Living Trust, and so much more. Get your pen and note pad ready. Our team has some heartfelt stories to share from dealing with trauma, domestic violence, and self care. Our Best, Sistah's Place Follow us on social media. Twitter: @sistahsplace2 IG: @sistahsplace Get Inspired, empowered, and entertained. Layout by Tia Thomson Sr. Editors: Carmen Elle Shauntae White Associate Editor Debra Lynn ThomasSISTAH'S PLACE MAGAZINECONTENTS INSPIRATION & ENTERTAINMENT05 FROM OUR EDITORS17Note from the team11 DR. BARBARA EVANSMental Health Expert: Help! I am in a Toxic Relationship14 SELENA HASKINBreast Cancer Awareness: Your Intution can save your life17 TERISA GRIFFIN COVER FEATURE BY MARCIE HILL21 NATRESHA DAWSON -AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT BY MARCIE HILL Exposing Sexual Harassment In Federal GovernmentTERISA GRIFFIN823 KIMBERLY R. JASPER5 11PILLARA HENDERSONSMITH Building Wealth ExpertDR. BARBARA EVANS Mental Health ExpertPart 1- 3 Signs You are Dating an Narcissists21NATRESHA DAWSON Author Spotlight: Don't Resign- A Woman's Right in a Man's WorldWWW.SISTAHSPLACE.COMSistah's Place7C O N T R I B U TO R S Dr. Barbara Evans, EdD, LCPC Mental Health Expert FB: Better Days with Barbie IG: drbarbe Marcie Hill Freelance writer/Blogger/Author Twitter: @Marciewrites Building Wealth Expert Pillara Henderson-Smith Selena Haskins Author & Blogger Twitter/IG: @BooksbySelena Kimberly R. Jasper Freelance Writer/Author IG: @krjasperwrites Facebook: Author Kimberley R. JasperCover Design by Tyrone OshanthaSistah's Place website www.sistahsplace.comSistah's Place8Why Do I Need a Will? By Pillara Henderson-SmithNo one wants to intentionally cause their loved ones’ stress or add chaos to their lives, however, that is exactly what happens when a person dies without a will. A will gives the ability to bring a sense of peace through the changes that accompany death with a little preparation and forethought. Yet, as a Human resource professional, the number one question that I receive is, “Why do I need a will?”. The general reasons are, a will allows you to decide upon your death: Who will care for your minor child or disabled adult child, who gets your money, who gets your property or possessions, and Who will make sure your money and possessions are distributed the way you desire. When a person dies with a will it is considered Testate. Meaning this person created a valid custom plan based on their decisions prior to their death. Creating a will consists of five major parts. The first, is naming an Executor. This is the person appointed to carry out the terms of the will. Second, is naming a Guardian of a minor child or disabled child. A guardian should be someone who possesses the values, personality traits and lifestyle elements that are of the most importance to you when it comes to raising your child. This is the person who cares for the child’s daily needs as well as manages and safeguards the child’s property and money. Third, is writing down a full inventory consisting of: Money, such as checking, savings, investments, etc. Property, to the effect of real estate, household goods, jewelry, etc., and debts, such as a mortgage, car payments, student loans, etc... This allows a person to clearly see their assets and liabilities and thereby adequately plan how to pay off their debts and have money and property remaining to gift. It also allows a person to decide, without limits, who should receive the gifts and how much money or property the gifts should consist of. It is through these gifts that the beneficiary can begin to obtain a measure of financial stability and a legacy of generational wealth can begin.9Sistah's PlaceFourth, a person can give detailed instructions on donating their organs, their funeral and burial, or cremation and scattering of their remains. Fifth, with a will, a person has the ability to reduce the cost of probate (the court proceedings to administer a person’s will) by limiting the courts involvement and oversight by directing independent administration by the executor and by waiving the requirement of a Surety Bond, which is a financial obligation of two times the value of the deceased person’s property and money. In order to be a valid will, there are formalities that must be followed. A will must be: 1) in writing, 2) the creator must be a person of sound mind, 3) there must be no undue influence, 4) the will must be signed and dated while in the presence of two disinterested witnesses who are age 18 or older. The number two question that I receive is, “What happens if I don’t have a Will?” The surprising answer is, everyone has a death plan, it just may not be the plan that you want. When a person dies without a will, it is called intestate. Unlike when a person dies testate and makes a custom plan, each state has enacted statutes called, Intestacy Laws, that will provide for the management and distribution of a person’s property and money upon death. For example, Illinois’ intestacy laws direct any outstanding debt and/or taxes of the deceased person are paid prior to making any distributions. It’s plan of distribution begins with: (a) If there is a surviving spouse and children; 1/2 of the entire estate will go to the surviving spouse and 1/2 equally divided among the deceased person’s children. (b) If there is no surviving spouse but children, the entire estate is equally divided among the surviving children. (c) If there is a surviving spouse but no surviving children, the entire estate goes to the surviving spouse. (d) If there is no surviving spouse or surviving children but a parent, brother, sister or child of a brother or sister of the deceased person, the entire estate goes to the parents, brothers and sisters in equal parts, allowing to the surviving parent if one is dead a double portion… and so on. Note that the state’s plan does not allow for a distribution to a long-time partner, non-biological child, a friend or organization. Furthermore, any interested person may petition the court to be the Administrator. This is the person appointed to manage and distribute the property. It also requires Probate with complete court involvement and over site and the surety bond. So, the question is what do you want the change to look like at your death? If you want peace of mind, financial security, and the possibility to create generational wealth, contact Pillara Henderson-Smith for your estate planning needs at's PlaceHelp! I am in a Toxic Relationship By Barbara E vans, EdD, Megan and Dave have been dating for 6 months. Things have been going well. They appear to be very compatible as they enjoy many of the same interests and community causes. Their conversation has always been effortless, and they have good physical chemistry between them. Seemingly, this has all the makings of a great relationship. Lately, however, Dave has become increasingly critical of Megan, criticizing her outfits, her weight and even how she wears her hair. When he gets upset or doesn’t get his way, he withholds affection from her, using affection as a bargaining chip to get what he wants. Often, he acts mad at Megan while refusing to tell her why he is upset, giving her the silent treatment. Like the story of Megan and Dave, many of us have had the experience of letting someone get close to us and then later regretting it. Often-times people don’t realize that the quality of their relationships can be just as toxic to their health as fast food or a toxic environment. In fact, unhealthy relationships can turn into exactly that, a toxic internal environment leading to stress, depression, anxiety, and even medical problems. Toxic relationships are defined as any relationship between people who don’t support each other where there’s conflict and one seek to undermine the other; where there’s competition, disrespect, and a lack of cohesiveness. Toxic relationships are not just limited to our romantic partnerships; a person can have a damaging relationship with a friend, a co-worker, a family member or even a professional.Sistah's Place12Toxic relationships are consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones. Toxic relationships are mentally, emotionally and possibly even physically damaging to one or both participants. No relationship, of course, is blissful and conflict-free all the time. Very few of us are trained to diagnose other people, however, we are well equipped to notice other people’s impact on us. All it takes is for us to trust our gut reactions and pay close attention to how we actually feel when we are with people. How do you know if you’re in a toxic relationship? Well, in many cases, the warning signs are subtle but here’s what you can look out for: *Persistent unhappiness- the relationship stops bringing you joy. Instead, you are consistently sad, angry or anxious. When you leave their company, you feel drained and exhausted. *Negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags. You constantly feel nervous or uncomfortable, feeling as if you are walking on eggshells and you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your partner. You begin to feel inadequate, boring, discouraged, ugly, stupid, ashamed, or otherwise bad about yourself. This is a sign of toxicity and that something is amiss. The hardest part is in recognizing that you are in a toxic relationship but once you do, you can begin to take steps to make changes. You have to believe that you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and compassion. This type of thinking may be difficult for those suffering from low self-esteem and who may believe they don’t deserve anything better. Support from a professional such as a therapist or life coach may be required. Finally, if nothing you do or say changes the toxic behavior, consider separating or distancing yourself from the source of toxicity. Getting to the root of the problem is important but sometimes the answer may be to just walk away. Remember, love should not cost you your peace, joy, or happiness. If it does, something has to change. If you are currently in a toxic relationship and would like support, contact me at References • The Hidden Health Hazards of Toxic Relationships. Sherrie Bourg Carter Psy.D, 2011 • How To Tell If You’re In a Toxic Relationship-And What To Do About It. Jamie Ducharme, 2018. • How to Avoid Toxic Relationships. Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., 2018T HEMONT HOFOCT OBERI SDOMES T I C VI OL ENCEAWARENES SS I S T A H ’ S P L A C E I S A V O I C E T H A T A D V O C A T E S A WA R E N E S S F O RD O ME S T I C V I O L E N C E S T OPDOMES T I C VI OL ENCE SE L F L OV EI SY OURF I RSTPRI ORI T Y . L OV EY OURSE L F . Y OUDE SE RV EBE T T E RT HANWHA TY OUACCE PTASWHA TY OUT HI NKL OV EI S. L OV ESHOUL DNOTHURT ! L E ARNT HESI GNSANDGE TT HEHE L PY OUNE E D.CONTACTTHEHOTL I NEBEL OW FOR ASSI STANCEANDCOUNSELSUPPORTNAT I ONALDOME ST I CHOT L I NE:18007997233 We bs i t e :ht t ps : / / www. t he ho t l i ne . o r g/14Sistah's PlaceYour Intuition Can Save Your Life By Selena HaskinsThe medical field has improved tremendously over the years. Science has saved many lives due to recent medications and life-saving procedures that leave patients with fewer side effects in times past. The advancement of treatments, thanks to education and monetary resources to perform research, can save many lives today. However, did you know that you are your best doctor for pretreatment? Let’s face it, whenever we make an appointment with our doctors, he or she with see us only for a few minutes, but we live with ourselves every day. We know what is normal for us and what is not normal for us. The doctor does not live with you 24-hours a day. They can only treat you based on the information they gather from YOU or by examining you. This is why it’s so important to take care of ourselves and to learn and understand our bodies. Self-care is one of the best ways to live a healthy life. If you are a person in tune with not only your physical health but mental health, then when something changes, your radars will go off. Granted, we don’t have to be hypochondriacs when it comes to our health, but we should never ignore signs that can be alarming. Recently, a friend of mine had a mammogram, and it came back normal, but just three months later, she felt what she thought was a lump in her breast. She contacted her doctor her had given her a referral when she had her mammogram done and explained that she needed another one and perhaps a sonogram too. The doctor refused to write a script for her to be seen again, ‘you are fine.15Sistah's PlaceYou just had a mammogram,’ the doctor said to her. Despite her family history of breast cancer, the doctor did not write a script. She did not give up, she went to her GYN doctor, and explained the situation, and the GYN wrote her RX Script to be re-evaluated. Thankfully for my friend, it turned out to be a cyst that was benign. Another friend of mine complained of rapid heartbeat even without strenuous exercise. She saw three cardiologists who all ran tests and told her she pretty much had anxiety or was stressed and needed to relax. She did not give up. She went back to her last Cardio doctor and demanded a complete blood test, no matter the cost. The results, unfortunately, didn’t turn out in her favor, but she had a diagnosis of hyperthyroidism. Although she was unaware of this and completely shocked, she was happy to at least had a diagnosis so that she could receive proper treatment. She is now doing well. A third friend of mine chose to ignore her symptoms, and sadly, she’s no longer with us. I learned valuable lessons vicariously through my friends, don’t ignore warning signs regarding your health, and don’t give up in finding the right doctor to help you. Although medicine has advanced, and doctors have become more knowledgeable, they are still human and make mistakes. Don’t allow a doctor to downplay your symptoms because it’s not written in a textbook, insist on tests, and sometimes you have to insist on retest or additional medical tests. YOU are your first doctor. Your intuition can save your life.SI ST AH’ SPL ACEPROUDL YSUPPORT S BRE ASTCANCE RAWARE NE SS365DAYSWeh o n o rt h es u r v i v o r sa n dr e me mb e ra n dc e l e b r a t e st h o s ewh oh a v eg o t t e nt h e i rwi n g sFORFURTHERI NFORMATI ON ABOUTHOW YOUCANADVOCATEOR SUPPORTRESEARCHFORBREASTCANCERHi d d e nHo l l o wBe a d s www. h h b e a d s . c o m i n f o @h i d d e n h o l l o wb e a d s . c o m Ph o n e : 43567 1020Ame r i c a nCa n c e r Or g a n i z a t i o n F orI nf or mat i on&Suppor t www. c a n c e r . o r g Br e a s t Ca n c e r I n f o r ma t i o n&Su p p o r t www. b r e a s t c a n c e r . o r g L i v i n gBe y o n dBr e a s t Ca n c e r www. l b b c . o rSistah's Place17Terisa Griffin Doing Things Her Way by Marcie HillTerisa “The Empress of Soul” Griffin is a multi-talented artist and one of Chicago’s biggest secrets. Although she’s mostly known for her vocals, she’s an actress, song writer, producer, entrepreneur and philanthropist. She started singing at age three at her dad’s church with her oldest sister, Mary. In 1995, Terisa came to Chicago to pursue of dream of singing. She had a slow start but her career really took off when she performed at an event for Jerry “Ice Man” Butler. She became a background singer in the Butler Review and he became her mentor After that, doors of opportunity really began to open. Terisa sang background for Diana Ross on The Oprah Winfrey Show. “It was a great moment in my life to be on Oprah and to sing with Diana as a background singer and have her pass me the mic!” She has also opened concerts for some of biggest names in jazz and R&B music, including The O’Jays, Patti LaBelle, Will Downing and Musiq SoulChild. When asked how she was selected to open for these performers, Terisa replied, “My God and my talent has always made a way for me. If you create a following and deliver when you perform, you will get hired. You just have to believe in yourself and constantly network, as well as sharpen your tools in the game.” Today, she sings her unique style of jazz, R&B and house music for local, national and international audiences.18Sistah's PlaceTerisa has also performed on stage and on screen as an actress. Playing the character Mikado in “Three Little Maids from School” in college was her first acting gig, leading her to Hill Harper’s movie “The Truth”; which she also wrote the title song, “Can’t Stop Loving You.”. In addition, she has performed several one-woman shows in honor of her favorite artists, including Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner, Josephine Baker, and Lena Horne. To stretch her creativity even farther, she’s currently writing a script for a movie slated to start filming in 2022. In 2001, Terisa founded My Naked Soul Productions because she wanted the freedom and control to create her way. “Labels are restrictive and my musical journey should not be labeled!” She also wanted to produce music and perform shows under one umbrella. She has successfully produced three albums while writing, producing, and starting in three one-woman show productions, and is working on another one. “Right now, I’m getting ready for my tribute to Mahalia Jackson and Aretha Franklin which includes Franklin’s band; musical director, Fred Nelson; and longtime pianist, Richard Gibbs.” Of all of her accomplishments, her nonprofit foundation, Better Love Yourself, is her proudest. “This non-profit organization was created in 2007 to develop the road map for young adults to master the art of loving and caring for themselves.” She blesses students going off to college for the first time with trunks filled with things they’ll need. “I want them to wrap themselves in our comforter of love and give them the pearls of knowledge that no one gave me.” She has given trunks to over 2500 students in several states. Never one to disappoint, Terisa’s newest CD, “Revival of Soul”, will hit stores on November 6th. “I wanted to do an unapologetic, soul R&B CD. I didn’t want to think about whether radio would play it...The sensual, soulful, sizzling songs are a testament to soul music.” Her CD is further proof that Terisa is doing things her way.September 12-15 Terisa Griffin Lucious Ladies Vegas Birthday Bash Weekend September 19th New York Fashion Week October 12 Pride San Juan October 13 Tracy Williams October 19th Jeffe
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